Most people assume that others help them because they like them. They believe that favours, mentorship, and opportunities are driven by friendship, charisma, or goodwill.
But that’s not entirely true.
People help you because it makes them feel valuable.
This one shift in understanding changes everything, how you network, lead, and build relationships. The key to influence isn’t being well-liked. It’s making others feel important, respected, and needed.
Let me break this down.
The Power of Making Others Feel Important
Every person, regardless of status, experience, or background, wants to feel like they matter.
- Employees stay loyal to leaders who recognise their efforts.
- Clients stick with businesses that make them feel heard.
- Mentors invest in people who value their wisdom.
When people feel important, they are naturally drawn to those who give them that feeling. This is why some leaders command fierce loyalty while others struggle with engagement. It’s why certain professionals have an incredible network of supporters, and others find themselves constantly chasing opportunities.
The moment someone feels truly appreciated and needed, they develop an internal desire to reciprocate. This isn’t manipulation, it’s a fundamental human truth.
So how do you create this effect in an authentic way?
The Psychology of Reciprocity in Networking
Think about a time when you helped someone, whether it was career advice, a job referral, or a simple introduction.
How did you feel afterward?
Most people experience a sense of fulfilment when they help. That’s because reciprocity isn’t just about obligation, it’s about emotional reward.
- We help because it boosts our self-worth.
- We support others because it strengthens our sense of belonging.
- We give advice because it reinforces our expertise and identity.
This is why the most influential leaders and networkers aren’t focused on getting, they’re focused on giving.
When you shift from seeking favours to making others feel valuable, you naturally build a network of people who want to support you.
How to Build Meaningful Relationships Through Value
Want to strengthen your influence and create lasting connections? Make people feel important.
Here’s how:
1. Ask for advice, not favours.
People love to feel knowledgeable and respected. Instead of asking, “Can you do this for me?” try, “I’d love your insights on this.” When someone invests their knowledge in you, they feel personally connected to your success.
2. Acknowledge contributions, loudly.
A simple “I really appreciate your input on this project” can make someone feel valued. Take it a step further, acknowledge them in meetings, tag them in posts, or give them public credit. It fosters goodwill and deepens loyalty.
3. Give before you ask.
Offer something before seeking a favour, a useful connection, an insightful resource, or genuine encouragement. People remember generosity, and it sets the tone for a reciprocal relationship.
4. Celebrate others publicly.
When people feel seen and appreciated, they naturally gravitate toward those who make them feel that way. Championing others, whether in your organisation or industry, builds trust and influence.
5. Be genuinely interested in others.
Ask about their challenges, goals, and experiences, not as a formality, but with real curiosity. People open up to those who truly listen.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Influence isn’t about you.
It’s about how you make others feel.
The moment you start focusing on making people feel valuable, rather than being liked or seeking favours, you’ll see the difference:
- More loyalty from your team
- More opportunities from your network
- More support from unexpected places
People will help you, not because they have to, but because they want to.